Ever ask, “Lord, Why Am I Still Single?”

Some single Christians struggle with the fact that they’re still single. No, I’m not talking about when you’re at church, shouting and praising God along with everybody else, and as soon as someone asks you how you’re doing you say, with a wide smile,
“Blessed and highly favored and empowered to power!”

No, I’m talking about later on that night, when you’re in your house or apartment and you long to hear another voice in the room, so you turn on the T.V. or radio because you want to hear something, anything, besides your own voice speaking to you. I’m talking about as it gets later and later and you check your cell phone to make sure it’s still on and you notice no one has called you all day.

I’m talking about when you lay in bed, staring at the wall, wishing that the pillow you grip was a warm
body to hold – then you roll over on your back and ask God, “Why, Why, WHY Lord am I still single?”
Suddenly feelings of loneliness overtake you as tears roll down your cheeks as you’ve just
accepted the invitation to your very own, first class, pity party.

Know this, single believer, God doesn’t like to see you cry.

He sent Jesus so that you might have joy, and that your joy might be full (John 15:11).
He sees You crying at night, and He longs to hold you in His loving arms and say,
“My child, you are not alone. I AM with you. I AM is here. I will never leave You nor
forsake you. Am I not enough?”

There is nothing wrong with desiring a mate. In fact, Psalm 37:4 lets us know that God
gives us the desires of our heart as we delight ourselves in Him. We can stand on this
Word; however, God doesn’t want our desire to become a want, or a care. The Lord is our
Shepherd; we shall not want. God gives us everything we desire and then some, as He has
freely given us all things to enjoy, and everything that pertains to life and godliness.

So if you experience nights where you cry yourself to sleep, questioning God, and
taking on thoughts such as, “Why am I still single?” “What’s wrong with me?” and
witness others around you getting married left and right and then you say to yourself,
“When is it going to be my turn, Lord?” and “Have you forgotten about me down here,
Lord? Hello! I would like to be married and have a family one day, too!” If you
consistently struggle with such internal turmoil, then this proves that you have
not totally surrendered your desire for a mate over to God.

Instead, you have taken on the care, when God admonishes us to cast our cares on Him – Why?
– because He truly cares for us. He loves us so much that He wants what’s best for us.
He wants us to be happy more than we, ourselves, want to be happy. But He first wants us
to be happy in Him.

He wants to be the source and center of our joy, not someone else.

He wants to bless you with a mate, if you so desire, in His season for your life. He knows
what’s best; you just have to trust Him.

If we truly ask God to order our steps, not necessarily so we can bump into our mates
but so that we can be led by God and fulfill the perfect will of God for our lives,
then we have to trust God that He hears and honors our prayers, and we have to stand
in faith on His Word.

This is not to suggest that we use this “waiting period” to sit idly by. No, we can
use this time to cultivate our relationship with God and pursue the purpose that God
has for our lives, and we can develop the fruits of the spirit within us which make
us become better, more Spirit-led Christians and not flesh-ruled Christians – fruits
of the spirit such as love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
meekness, and temperance, and we can also use this time to develop ourselves not
just spiritually but emotionally, physically, and financially.

Instead of focusing so much on what we can get out of a relationship, we can focus on
what we could bring to a relationship, in order to be a blessing to that other person.

And we can do all these things with joy while enjoying our time with Jesus and our
fellowship with Him and other believers who motivate and encourage us to become the
best we can be in Christ, while still believing God for a mate, and rejoicing with
those who rejoice, such as other brothers and sisters in Christ whom God has
blessed with a mate, or as I like to call it, a permanent boo.

Now repeat this prayer confession out loud:

“Lord, I surrender my desire for a mate to You. I trust that You order my steps, and
that the manifestation of my desire will come to pass in Your season for my life, and
not according to my calculated timetable. I cast this care on You right now, Lord,
because I know that You care for Me, and that You know what’s best for me. I use this
time to grow in my relationship with You, seek Your face daily, and practice the
presence of God in everything I say and do. I present my body as a living sacrifice,
holy and acceptable unto you. I am careful for nothing but in every thing by prayer
and supplication with thanksgiving, I let my requests be made known unto You and You
promise that the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep my heart and
mind through Christ Jesus. So my heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord. You are my
reward, and in You I live, move, and have my being, and in your presence there is joy,
unspeakable joy and full of glory. So I bid goodbye to every pity party in the
Name of Jesus. No longer will I take on that care; I will instead speak to my soul
and encourage my soul to hope thou in God, and I will stand on your Word and walk
by faith and not by sight. More importantly, I desire to do your will and walk in
Your purpose and plan for my life, and I will fulfill my destiny in You,
in Jesus’ Name, Amen!”

Scripture References:
John 15:11 Mark 11:22
Hebrews 13:5 Galatians 5:22-23
Psalm 37:4 Romans 12:1
Psalm 23:1 Philippians 4:6-7
Romans 8:32 Psalm 112:7
1 Peter 5:7 Acts 17:28
Ecclesiastes 3:1 1 Peter 1:8
Romans 12:15 Psalm 42:5
Psalm 119:133 2 Corinthians 5:7
1 John 5:14-15 Jeremiah 29:11


Don’t Go There With Your Mind

mindwoman2When it comes to the things of God and the desire for a mate, some of us want one like yesterday. And when days, months, and sometimes years go by with not even a prospect in sight, we begin to question God by asking,

“Why, Lord, why?”

“Why am I not married yet?”

“Why hasn’t this dream of mine been fulfilled yet?”

“Why is she married and You know they ain’t even livin’ right?”

Sometimes, in our minds, we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others who have
gotten married and wonder what’s wrong with us. Some get so caught up on focusing on
other people who have gotten married around them that they being to covet marriage –
not the perfect will of God for their lives – but just someone they can call, “husband.”

The word, “covet” in Webster’s 1828 Dictionary means: to have an inordinate desire, or
an irregular, disorderly, excessive, and immoderate desire. Anything, or anyone who
is desired more than God and His perfect will for our lives could become an idol,
and could take our focus away from pleasing God.

The next question some of us wrestle with and ask God in our minds is, “How, Lord?”

“How will you bring this to pass?”

“How will I meet and marry a good man of God when society tells me that the good ones
are already married, and most of the single ones are either gay or in jail?”

“How will you make this happen for me Lord?”

When, in actually, we, as singles, need not worry about the “how,” because it’s God who
makes good things happen for our lives when we live for and serve Him, and it’s God
who opens doors, and if we believe that He orders our steps, then it is God who will
do the leading and guiding – in due season.

Which brings me to the next question we sometimes ask God, “When Lord, when?”

Some of us have been single so long that we wonder if God has forgotten about us, and
some have given up any hope of ever getting married. If marriage is a desire of your
heart, and you’re willing to surrender and deliver yourself from the, “it’s all about
‘me’ world” to the, “it’s all about ‘we’ world,” then God will fulfill that desire in
due season. The Word of God says in Romans 8:25, But if we hope for that we see not,
then do we with patience wait for it.

So the next time the urge comes to have a pity party one night where you would cry out
to God asking Him, “Why, Lord, why?” “How, Lord, how?” and “When, Lord, when?” Don’t
allow your mind to go there. Instead keep your mind stayed on Jesus, as Isaiah 26:3
suggests, and God promises to keep you in perfect peace.

Allow God to consistently renew your mind and stay focused on Him by reading parts of
His love letter called the Bible to you on a daily basis.

Instead of worrying about “Why?”, “How?”, and “When?”, instead say

“Yes, Lord.”

Yes to Your will, and yes to Your way.

and, “What Lord?”

What will you have me to do for You?

What can I do to bring glory to your Name?

What is my purpose, and what do I need to do to walk in your perfect will for my life?

and, “Thank You Lord.”

There is no way anyone can remain down in the dumps if they keep an attitude of
gratitude, thanking God for His many blessings, and loving on Him for loving you.
And once we truly get a hold of His love for us, and how wants what’s best for us
more than we do ourselves, then our souls can truly remain in perfect peace as we
keep our minds stayed on Him.

Dr. King and Coretta – 2 Destinies, 1 Dream

drkingcorettaDid you know that Coretta Scott King initially didn’t like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. because she thought he was too short?

She then went on to say that the more she went out with him and got to know him, the more she liked him. She discovered that his life’s mission to fight for freedom and equality was similar to hers. Already an accomplished concert performer, having
graduated from Antioch, Coretta was asked by Dr. King if she could see herself married to a Southern minister. She figured that if she did, she would have to take on the role as a preacher’s wife and he would want a wife to come home to, and not one
off traveling doing concerts in different countries. So she had a choice to make.

She chose Martin.

And boy did she make the right choice!

Not only was she able to accomplish her dream in assisting him with the fight for
equality, but a lot of times as they toured different countries, such as their trip
to India in 1959, she was invited to sing for many groups in cities, towns, and villages
throughout India. Hence both their dreams came true – together. (Vivian, Octavia.
Coretta, The Story of Coretta Scott King. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress, 2006.)

Single people, it is so important that you find out where your potential mate is headed
in life. Find out their dreams; find out their purpose; and see where and if you would fit.

Ladies, talk about that man’s life mission, and see if you can “see yourself” fitting
into that puzzle being his helpmate.

For example, if the two of you are at a restaurant and he tells you he’s called to
live in Africa for 10 years on the mission field, and you can’t see yourself willingly
going along with that man helping him (and not grumbling and complaining about the
living conditions or insects) then don’t waste that man’s time or yours. Don’t determine
in your mind that you’re going to marry him, then try and talk him out of it after
you’re married.

That’s not right.

We live for our dreams, and shattering one’s dreams is like shattering a person’s soul.

Instead of misleading someone for the sake of “having a good man,” simply tell him you’re
not called to Africa, and decide to be just friends or go your separate ways.
The man God has for you will come along in due season. Just be patient, know what you’re
looking for, know what your dream is (i.e. know your own purpose and work on it now while
you’re single), then when you meet the next one, talk about the direction your lives will
be headed. Talk about the present, talk about the past, and talk about the future.

Amos 3:3 says, Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

Marriage is a collision of two destinies and two dreams, working together to make them
come true, which leads to total fulfillment.

It’s not enough that that person is “saved” and that’s it. What’s their mission?
What’s their dream? What’s their purpose? And can you see yourself walking with that
person on this journey called life together?

Just think if Coretta would have written Martin off because he was too short?

It would have been a huge mistake.

Try not to write someone off because of superficial attributes one can’t change such as
their height or skin color. As believers, we’re supposed to be more concerned with the
heart, right? But how many people actually take that into consideration when choosing a

Not saying that the person has to be totally unattractive to you. You want someone who
is pleasing to your sight, especially since this is the person you’re going to wake up to
every morning. All I’m saying is, when considering someone, consider their integrity,
their character, and their purpose in life.

In doing so, you may meet and marry your dream man or woman, and you two can then make
each others’ dreams come true together.

Mr. Saved Ain’t Always Mr. For Real

He comes to church every Sunday. He sits in the same seat in the third row on the right side of the sanctuary every week. His big leather-bound black Bible is placed firmly in his lap.

He shouts with the rest of the congregation when it’s time to praise God, and he lifts up both his hands when it’s time to worship Him. He hears the morning sermon, says “Praise the Lord,” right along with the pastor, and can quote almost every Scripture the pastor references verbatim.

Then he steps one foot inside the parking lot of the church and pulls out his pack of Kools and smokes a cigarette. During his drive home he’s filled with road rage as he swears and flips someone the bird who tries to cut him off at an intersection.

When he finally makes it home, he pulls out a forty from the frig and turns the
latest Fifty Cent CD up real loud until his neighbor in the adjacent apartment has to
bang on the wall to tell him to be quiet.

He plops down on the couch, pulls out his flip cell phone, scrolls through his phone book
and decides he wants some company tonight. He sees a name he vaguely remembers – Ajanay.

He remembers her remarkable booty more than her somewhat attractive face. The last time
he saw her three weeks ago she had long jet black weave all the way down to her waist.
But he didn’t care; besides, he had made up in his mind that tonight wasn’t going to be
about running his fingers through her hair anyway.

“Hey baby,” he says after dialing her number, “This Tyrone. Whatchadoin’ tonight?
Just call me Marvin Gaye, baby, because tonight I’m in need of some of your sexual
healing.” He ends the call with a slight laugh and a smile, delighted that his request
for a night in between the sheets did not go ignored.

I’m aware that for some of you reading this scenario, a brotha you know may
immediately come to mind. He may claim salvation, and may show up in church service
every week, but behind closed doors, what is his life really like?

Is he a Christian just on Sunday morning, or is he one seven days a week?

Does he live the lifestyle of a man who is “saved,” or does he just view the title of
salvation as simply “fire insurance” protecting his soul from a burning hell?

Does he sincerely fear the Lord, obey His commandments, and desire to be more like Him,
or does he just show up at church so he can meet a good, clean church woman he can
turn out and turn into a freak of the week?

Do not be deceived, women of God.

Beware of lip service that is not coupled with like actions which line up with the Word
of God.  If he were truly a man of God, he would not force you to sleep with him to
prove your love for him, and he would not cause you to compromise your beliefs, or
your right-standing relationship with your Heavenly Father.

Even though a man may say he is saved, make sure that his proclamation is accompanied
by a lifestyle conducive to that of a Christian. Determine whether or not he is a man
after God’s own heart, a man who walks in integrity, and one who truly loves the Lord
and would never intentionally sin or disappoint God because of his genuine love for his
Heavenly Father.

Don’t get me wrong; there are some good men out there – good, saved men who love Jesus
and has made Jesus not just their Savior but also the Lord of their lives.

You just have to be careful, watch and pray, and observe his actions when he thinks
no one is watching, so you can have a better idea of whether or not his salvation
profession is sincere.

So the next time a man asks you out on a date, ladies, not only should you make sure
the brotha is saved, but also find out if he is for real.

Recommended Reading:  



Lord, Where’s My Mate?


Have you ever cried out to God like that?

“Lord, where is my mate?!” Have you ever been
mad at God because it seems like He’s blessing
you in every other area except the mate
department? Before you’re so quick to say,
“no,” examine yourself and honestly answer
that question. While you’re answering that
question, ask yourself why you want to get
married so badly?

Is it companionship – physically and emotionally?

Is it because you want someone to ‘help pay these bills’?

Ladies, is it because you need a man to be a father figure
because the ‘baby daddy’ is no where to be found? Is it because
you want someone to buy you nice things, make you laugh, and
make you happy?

Is it because you want someone to call your own?
If you notice, all of the previous responses have one thing in common –
they all involve pleasing oneself.

Me, Me, Me, Me, ME!

However marriage, the way God intended, is all about pleasing the other person.
1 Corinthians 7:32-33 says, But I would have you without carefulness. He that is
unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please
his wife.

When you get married it’s not all about you anymore . . . it’s all about
that other person you said, “I do” to.

This is why it’s so important for single Christians to get it right, right now, as a
single by maintaining pleasing God as your #1 priority as 1 Cor. 7:32 indicates.
A lot of times, how you remain faithful to God will determine how you will remain
faithful to your future spouse. You remain faithful to God by showing Him you
love Him by keeping His commandments (John 14:15). One of His commandments
is to abstain from sex before marriage (1 Thessalonians 4:1-4). By consistently disobeying
this commandment with an unrepentant heart proves that you are cheating on and being
unfaithful to God – and He’s supposed to be the one you really LOVE!

God has commandments such as, “no sex before marriage,” not because He’s punishing
you, but because He’s protecting you.

He loves you so much that He wants what’s best for you, and He wants to bless you out of
this world – but His hands are tied if you refuse to obey and serve Him.

While as a single Christian your life’s aim should be to please God, your desire, as
a married person should be to please your spouse.

When you marry it proves that God trusts
you enough to take all of that selfless love that you have for Him and for others and
transferring that love to your spouse. Two married people’s aim should be to live each
day living to please and serve one another. Your attitude, when you wake up, married
believer, should be to look at that person next to you, the one God blessed you with,
and say, “What can I do to serve you today?” Besides, that’s what God did for us, when
He sent Jesus to die for us on the cross – and that was the Ultimate act of service.
And in Ephesians 5:25 God compares man’s love for his wife as Christ’s love for the
church! Hello!

So I’ve said all this to say, single believer, instead of crying to God about where your
mate is, make sure you are in a position where you are ready to receive your mate, and
that you are fully aware of what it means to be married. A suggestion would be to talk
to a happily married couple, preferably one that’s been married for over five or ten
years, and ask them to share with you some nuggets about how they keep their marriage
strong. Don’t expect them to tell you a whole lot, but hold on to what they are willing
to share. And of course, seek God’s Word ultimately as the final authority on the best
way to please Him and your future mate, because God’s Word contains the answer to