Blog – Kim Brooks Official Website

5 Things to Look for in a Husband

1. He may be fine, but make sure that man is saved!

Single Christian women should make sure that their future spouse be Christian as well because God admonishes believers to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers according to II Corinthians 6:14. You want to be in a relationship with someone who shares the
same value system and beliefs as you do. In doing so, you create harmony in the relationship, and operate in God’s perfect will for your life. Also, according to Amos 3:3, it is better for two people who are in agreement to walk together.

2. He may be saved, but make sure that man is for real!

Nowadays, it is not enough to make sure someone confesses Jesus Christ as his
personal Lord and Savior according to Romans 10:8-10. You want to also make sure his
lifestyle lines up with his faith confession, and that He fears God by not
desiring to break God’s heart -which happens when we disobey His Word and His will.
Also, how can a man love you like Christ loves the church if he doesn’t know how to
truly love God? A man who fears God, or reverences and respects God so much that he
has surrendered his own will to God’s will, proves that he sincerely loves the Lord,
and love must be vertical first, before it can ever be horizontal.

3. Make sure he has a vision, and knows his purpose.

The Word of God in Habakuk 2:2 commands us to write the vision and make it plain.
You want a future mate who has a vision and knows his purpose in life. Men are called
to be leaders in the relationship and in the home, and a man who doesn’t know his
purpose will be leading his future intended down a path that leads to no where.
When a man and a woman both know their purpose they can better envision a future
together and can “see” how they can fit into one another’s lives.

4. Make sure he loves people and wins souls.

Unfortunately, there are some who call themselves Christians yet do not love people.
Make sure your future spouse is not one of these persons. God’s second commandment to
Christians is to love their neighbors as themselves, and the best way to show that love
is to tell someone else about Jesus Christ. The same way that God so loved the world
that He gave His only begotten Son is the same way, ladies, you should want to make
sure your future spouse loves people so much that he willingly shares his testimony
and witnesses to someone else. The Word of God, in Psalm 107:2 says, Let the redeemed
of the Lord, say so, so your future mate should not be ashamed to tell it!

5. Makes sure that pleasing God is his number one priority.

God is pleased when we, His children, obey His Word (John 14:15). For example, He is
pleased when we honor our parents (Eph. 6:1), when we tithe to our local church
(Mal. 3:10, Heb. 2:4), when we love one another (1 John 4:7), and when we esteem others
higher than ourselves (Phil. 2:3). So it is important now, ladies, to make sure that your
future spouse makes pleasing God his #1 priority, because in doing so it shows that he has
the potential to love you the same way that Christ loved the church. This is not to say
that he’ll be perfect and will never make a mistake, the key is to make sure his heart
is right towards God and towards you.

*Please note: Out of the 5 things listed, woman of God, it is important that you, also,
possess the 5 characteristics included on this list. That way you both can be an extreme
blessing to one another in your relationship.

Recommended Reading: Novel, He’s Fine…But is He Saved? and self-help book,
How To Date and Stay Saved

Practice Commitment Now – Before you say, ‘I Do’

News Flash! Breaking News!

Marriage is all about commitment.

It’s not about the wedding cake, the guests, and get this, it’s not even about the bride…because once all the hoopla is done with, then you’re left with the marriage.

It’s about commitment.

As a single believer, now is the perfect time to practice commitment BEFORE marriage.

Do you hop from job, to job, or church to church, letting situations, circumstances, or even your “mood at the moment” guide your decisions instead of asking God where you should go and trusting His direction?

For example, if the usher gets on your nerves one Sunday, do you decide to just
switch churches for that reason alone?

Are you used to people walking out on you while growing up, so that now, as an adult,
you find yourself walking out on others without giving it a second thought?

What, in your life, have you committed to?

What have you “stuck with” no matter how you felt, whether it’s a goal, your family,
or relationships?

Do you know how to be monogamous in a relationship?

If you’re used to cheating on your significant other now, that behavior does not
necessarily go away just because you “put a ring on it.” A wedding ring is no magic
band that causes all of the previous behavior during the “pre-marital” stage to
suddenly disappear just because you say, “I do” before God, the minister, and a
bunch of family members, friends, and loved ones.

If you have a problem with committing to one person before you’re married, more than
likely you’ll have problems staying committed to one person after you’re married.

If you’re a single believer, are you committed to God?

Do you cheat on Him by having sex outside of marriage?

Sure, you may try and rationalize to yourself and say, “But it feels so good,
God knows my heart, I just can’t stop!”…but what will you say if you get married,
your spouse cheats on you, and then he or she tells you, “but it felt so good, you
know my heart is really with you, I just can’t stop!” Some of you may leave that
spouse in a heartbeat. But God doesn’t treat us like that. His grace and mercy
endures forever. Thank God for His grace, but some of us take His grace for granted.

If God expects you to not cheat on Him before you say, “I do,” to one of His sons or
daughters, then that means He has equipped you with the means and the ability to be kept.

My God says in Philippians 4:13 that I can do all things through Christ which
strengthens me, so that means you can also commit to God by remaining celibate
until marriage. Sure, it may be a struggle in the flesh, but your love and
commitment to God are to be demonstrated by your actions and lifestyle.

So today, single believer, check your commitment history.

Choose this day, to become totally committed to God, not just with your lips, but
with your life.

If you can commit to God, your family, and your future, then it may be a good indicator
you can remain committed to your spouse – forever.

Sweet Contentment

Some people think their lives would be so much better if only they had a spouse.

Some feel like if they only had a spouse, they would be much happier, life would be much sweeter, and there would be more reason to live and move on.

Some think that if only they had a spouse, all of their worries and cares would seemingly disappear –
emotional distress would disappear because now they have someone they can call their own and be there as a shoulder to cry on, loneliness would disappear because now they have someone to come home to, financial worries would disappear because there would be more than just one household income, and physical needs would be met because the now have someone to have sex with on a regular basis, and have it be sanctioned by God.

For these reasons and maybe even more, some people get stuck in a rut, day in and day
out, wondering where is their mate, and why has God seemingly forgotten or forsaken
them in this area.

Sometimes it can feel as if maybe God is punishing you by not giving you a spouse, or
that he has deemed you not worthy enough to have one.

It has been said before but it bears repeating, as a single saint, right now, you must
learn to be content during this season of singleness in your life. You must practice
true contentment.

The apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:11, “Not that I speak in respect of want:
for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

The Word content in this passage of Scripture in the original Greek translated to
English means, self-complacent, or self-satisfying.

As a single saint, you have to learn how to be satisfied with yourself.

You have to learn how to be satisfied with keeping your own self company, and
enjoying time with just you and God, instead of coming home from a hard days
work and immediately turning on the television because you feel a need to hear
background noise so you won’t feel all alone.

The word content in Webster’s Dictionary, 1828 Edition, means, rest or quietness of
the mind in the present condition; satisfaction which holds the mind in peace,
restraining complaint, opposition, or further desire, and often implying a moderate
degree of happiness. As a single saint, now is the best time to have all the “me”
time you want, without having to answer to no one but God, and while celebrating
yourself at the same time.

Personally, I love going to the park early some mornings just to pray and meditate
the Word of God by the lake. I love it when Daddy – God – whispers sweet nothings
in my ear and tells me He loves me over and over again, and then tells me about the
plans He has for my life. Also, I have no problem going to a restaurant and having
a meal alone while reading the Word, the newspaper, or a book, because I view it as
spending quality time and enjoying time with myself.

If you can’t enjoy your own company, what makes you think someone else will?

God wants us to walk in peace. He sent His Son not only to save us, but so that our
joy might be full (John 15:11).

He wants us to be careful or anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and
supplication with thanksgiving; He wants us to make our request known unto God
(Philippians 4:6).

Our request may be for a mate, but once we pray, He wants us to give thanks and
simply leave it in His hands and trust Him. Like the sayings go, He wants us to,
“Let go and let God,” and “Let God do it.”

Sure, we can do it ourselves and end up with Bozo instead of Boaz, or Rooftop
instead of Ruth, but if we truly want the mate that He has for us, the Ephesians 3:20
mate who will be more than what we could ever hope for or desire, then He wants us to
simply trust Him.

While God’s working on bringing the manifestation of your mate to pass in His season
for your life (notice I said in His season and not your season), He wants you to be
fully aware of your worth and who you are in Christ, focus on doing His will and
serving Him, and, while you’re waiting, He wants you to become the blessing,
instead of waiting for the blessing.

Ladies, He wants us to become the crown to our husbands -right now. He wants us to
learn how to respect our men by respecting our natural fathers, pastors, and other
male figures in our lives.

He wants us to become that Proverbs 31 woman now, as a single saint, instead of
waiting for the blessing to show up.

Women of God, we must realize that at the same time we’re believing God for a
mate and wanting to be blessed, God has a son, a mighty man of valor He wants to
bless as well.

Can you honestly say that you are that blessing right now?

We must realize now, as single saints, that only Jesus can be the true source
of our joy, and that it is no one else’s job to make us happy. We must realize that
with Him we are never alone. Just because one is married does not mean there won’t
be times of feeling alone, so, as singles, we have to realize now that Jesus is our
ultimate Comforter.

We must allow God to be our Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, and not just wait for some
knight in shining armor to come rescue us and cancel out all our debt, or fellas,
wait for a some “Sugar Momma” to supply all our need.

As single saints, we must seek true fellowship and true intimacy with God, so that
we may know Him, and the power of His resurrection. We must be open and honest and
crawl in Daddy’s lap and let Him know our true feelings, and we must worship Him
simply for who He is in true holiness and in truth. We must learn how to experience
true intimacy with God before we can ever learn how to properly love on, praise,
edify and encourage our future mates.

We must get it right now, as singles, and learn to be content instead of needy,
self-satisfying instead of desperate, and happy instead of anxious and impatient
so that we don’t attract the wrong kind of person into our lives – the kind that
God may not have intended for us to be with in the first place.

Once we practice a daily lifestyle of true contentment, that is when we are
positioned to receive the mate that God has for us.

The mate that God has for you should be an added blessing and an added joy,
not the source of your joy.

If you were an ice cream sundae, then your mate should be the extra cherry.

He shouldn’t be the cherry on top, because that would denote something that is missing,
but he should be another one – to make it taste even sweeter.

Don’t Get Caught up in the HOW!

A lot of times, when we’re believing God for a mate, we get caught up in the “How” of it all. You know what I mean, it’s been a while and you’re like, “Lord, I know you’re going to bless me with a mate, but HOW will you do it?”

You can’t quite figure it out so you find yourself sitting in the same area where a certain single brother at church normally sits, or you may even move to another city or change careers because you figure, “There must not be any good men where I am
anyway – maybe my mate is in this new city.”

During my morning devotional time with the Lord, I read about the man with an infirmity
for 38 years at the pool of Bethesda (John 5:1-9). Day in and day out, for years and
years this man had lain at this pool, and eventually grew deeply discouraged.
You see, at a certain time the angels would trouble the waters, and the first person to
get in after the waters were troubled got healed. The man figured he would never make
it in first because he didn’t have any one to carry him to the pool, so by the time he
finally made it down himself someone else already received their healing. Jesus noticed
the man and asked him if he would be made whole, and the man proceeded to tell Jesus
his sob story about why he would never get healed because he didn’t have anyone to
help him down the steps.

He was so focused on the methodology, or the “how” of it all, that he failed to realize
that he was talking to the Healer himself! Jesus next told the man to arise, take up
his bed and walk – he did and received his healing!

Just like the man at the pool of Bethesda, some of us worry ourselves and grow deeply
discouraged while trying to figure out how God is going to send us our mates.

Instead of focusing on the “how,” focus on trusting God while knowing that He will bring
all the desires of your heart to pass in due season for your life.

Hold fast to your profession of faith, allow God to order your steps, remain faithful
to Him, and let God hook you up!

Scripture References:

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Psalm 37:4

Let us hold fast to the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful
that promised;) Hebrews 10:23

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.
Psalm 37:23

He’s Fine…But is He Saved?

A lot of times, ladies, when it comes to the opposite sex, we can get a little caught up in looks.

For instance, if a brotha steps to you and tries to “holla,” we immediately notice his outward appearance -his looks, his clothes, his haircut, his mustache or beard, or lack thereof. Most women are impressed by a man who packages himself well.

Besides, there’s nothing wrong with a little eye candy, right?

However, single women of God, we must be careful not to be so mesmerized by the way a man looks, or the smooth lines he uses, that we forget to find out the most important characteristic of a man who is worthy of a Christian woman’s time, which is whether or not he has accepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior.

A woman can be so impressed by the way a man presents himself, that if she is asked out,
she may not find out if he goes to church, let alone if he is saved, until about the
third or fourth date (if she hasn’t given it up already).

Women of God, it’s time for us to ask these questions up front. I immediately ask any man
who approaches me with interest whether or not he is saved. If he starts acting
“nervous in the service,” then I view that as a red flag. Most of the time I end up
witnessing to someone like that so he can get saved (Hallelujah!). But we shouldn’t
be afraid to ask.

Why don’t we ask up front? Is it because we’re afraid of the answer? Is it because brotha
man looks so good that you wouldn’t mind being seen out on the town with him on your arm?
Is it because you hadn’t dated in a while and are looking forward to a night of
companionship and a free meal? Or is it because, if you find out he isn’t saved,
then maybe if he dates you a few times, he will eventually get saved?

The Word of God talks about not being unequally yoked with unbelievers. It also describes
the importance of two walking together in agreement. One can minister to someone else
and be a light for him, without committing to a relationship with that other person.
We, as Christians, are called to be lights to the world, not a friend or lover of the
world.

Also, it is not enough to find out if a man who is pursuing you is saved. You want to
make sure that he reverentially fears the Lord. Does he worship God?
Do you see him do it? Is his lifestyle conducive to the Word of God, or does he at least
sincerely try to live for Him? The way a man loves God will dictate the way a man will
love you.

Love must be vertical first, before it can ever be horizontal.

Sure, he may say he loves you, and he may do nice things for you, but, more importantly,
is what he does for God. Does he love Him? Jesus said if you loved me, you would keep my
commandments. Is he pressuring you to have sex? True love waits, so if a man is
pressuring you, then that means he does not fear God, and that he does not love you,
because true love would not cause you to do anything to hinder your relationship with God.

Ladies, I am not implying that you should ask a man all of these questions on the first
date. In doing so, more than likely he will just tell you want to hear. Instead of
laying all of your cards out on the table, first, find out if he is saved, and next,
observe. Even the Word commands us to watch and pray. See if his salvation profession
is sincere. Only by observing and making sure his actions line up with his words will
you see if a man has the ability to love his future wife the way that Christ loved the
church.

Scripture References: II Corinthians 6:14, Amos 3:3, James 4:4, John 14:15,
Matthew 26:41, Ephesians 5:24