Saved and Lonely?

Lonely and single?  Lonely, single and saved?  How to not be lonely as a single Christian:

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Recommended Reading:  The Little Black Survival Book for Single Saints 
(especially the Chapter on overcoming Loneliness)

 

girl looking up

Kim Brooks, author of bestselling novels, She That Findeth, He\'s Fine...But is He Saved? and more. www.kimontheweb.com

It’s HOT! Lord, Help Me Keep my Clothes On!

(note: this newsletter was originally published on a hot summer’s day in the ‘D’ – Detroit :0)

Summer is here!

The temperature is rising.

The sun is HOT! BBQ grills are going, and folks are seemingly making every excuse to get together.

 

 

With increased temperatures seem to come a decrease in one’s wardrobe – more women are scantily clad, and some men are shirtless showing biceps and triceps. Not only that, old boyfriends or old
girlfriends who you thought you would never hear from again somehow find your number
and call you out the blue. Old beaus you used to mess with find you at an outing or a
picnic. People you rejected months ago start looking good to you all of a sudden as
you email them asking for their phone number.

What’s a single saved man or woman of God to do?

Well the key is to resist temptation!

Just because the temperature is rising doesn’t mean your flesh has to as well. However,
what it does mean is because the flesh is generally more vulnerable during the
summertime, you have to make a conscious effort, as a single believer wanting to
please God with his or her body and lifestyle, to keep it under subjection.

How do you do that, you might ask?

The Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:27, But I keep under my body, and bring it
into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself
should be a castaway. The Amplified Bible’s translation says this, But [like a boxer]
I buffet my body [handle it roughly, discipline it by hardships] and subdue it, for
fear that after proclaiming to others the Gospel and things pertaining to it, I myself
should become unfit [not stand the test, be unapproved and rejected as a counterfeit].

Paul said a mouthful!

There are a couple things to note in this passage of Scripture. The first thing is
that Paul makes it very clear whose responsibility it is to keep one’s body under, or
buffet one’s body like a boxer.

It is your responsibility and not God’s.

The word “buffet” in Webster’s 1828 edition Dictionary means to strike, to box, and to
beat. You have to speak to your flesh, even if it means becoming violent with it.
You have to command it to line up with God’s Word.

Like Paul said in Galatians 5:24, And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh
with the affections and lusts. The word, “crucified,” in this Scripture in the Greek
means, to extingish or subdue passion or selfishness. The flesh is selfish. The flesh
wants what it wants now, no matter the consequences, no matter who it hurts – the flesh
gotta have it.

However, the Spirit man, or the “real you” wants to please God.

The Spirit man doesn’t want to hurt God by not treating his or her body like God’s
temple that it really is. The Spirit man doesn’t want to cause the anointing on one’s
life to decrease because of the fulfillment of one night of so-called fun and selfish
pleasures. The Spirit man want to do right by God, and reap all the benefits of
righteousness if one keeps the faith and doesn’t give in to the temptation.

The second part of 1 Corinthians 9:27 is that Paul says he keeps his body under and
subdues it so he doesn’t feel like a hypocrite if he stands behind the pulpit telling
others to live holy while he himself isn’t doing it. We all know that there are tons
of hypocrites out there, or as some call it, “counterfeit Christians,” but God knows
the truth. What I like about Paul is at least he’s being honest with himself and
admitting to always having to keep his flesh in check not just to please God, but
also so the anointing on his life to preach and be a light and a testimony to others
won’t be adversely affected.

Single believer, the anointing of God on your life is for other people.

Know that one night of rolling around in the hay with someone of the opposite sex
won’t just affect you spiritually and maybe even physically if, God forbid, you
acquire an STD, but it’ll also affect the people God had in mind for you to touch
with the Word of God and possibly be used by God to save their souls. Here, Paul
understands this. It could also stop the power of God on your life and possibly
derail the plan and purpose He had in mind for you if you continue in a life of
unconfessed, or unacknowledged sin. If you ask me, it’s not worth it.

Another way one can resist temptation is to guard the gates. No, not the pearly gates,
but the gates which I refer to as passageways to the soul (which is the mind, will and
emotions). Some of these “gates” include the eye gates and the ear gates.
Be careful of what you allow your eyes to see. Men, if you’re walking down the street
and you see a woman wearing “daisy dukes” (do folks still wear those?) do what my
Bishop calls, “the Holy turn.” This basically means you may see her at first, but then
you immediately turn your head the other way. This way, your brain isn’t given much
time to stamp that woman’s image in your brain for it to come up again later as
you’re about to go to sleep. Also, saints of God, you can’t go see every movie that
comes out on the big screen. And, speaking of screens, stay off internet porn sites!
Pornography can create a definite stronghold that could leave anyone, believer or
non-believer, coming back for more. It dehumanizes people and turns them into mere sex
objects, and creates false, ungodly expectations which even plagues some marriages.

Guard your eyes, protect and keep them from evil.

For some of you, if you could be honest with yourself, it means not being able to
frequent MySpace as much. Don’t let ungodly vixens and sexy men trap you into spending
hours and hours on MySpace, feeding your flesh, and spending less and less time in God’s
Word.

Guard what you see, and also guard what you hear. If you’re already battling with
your flesh every night, it may not be a good idea to pop in R. Kelly’s, “I don’t see
nothing wrong with a little bump and grind” while you’re on your way to Bible study.
That song may have you making a U-turn to your old girlfriends house – you remember her? –
the one who used to give it up at the drop of a hat.

I heard an awesome statement from my co-pastor last week, and I would like to share it
with you. He said that every sin starts with a thought. That is so true. Think about it.
Before you slipped, before you ended up in the bed with that other person, then having to
repent on Sunday morning, you thought about that thing. For this reason, I’m not a
believer of the phrase, “It just happened.” Nothing just happens.

It starts with a thought, then a phone call, then an invitation to come over, then the
mood is set with the music and a romantic atmosphere, then you look deep into each other’s
eyes, then you think about how you really like this person, then ya’ll have dinner,
sit down in front of the T.V., then you’re on the couch kissing each another, and now
he’s leading you to the bedroom, then off come your panties and you have pre-marital
and “un” sanctioned by God sex. At any given moment there was an opportunity to say no
and stop what was about to go down.

What could prevent it from going down in the first place is to not set up an atmosphere
for failure…i.e. late night calls over for dinner when you know you think this man is
FINE!

Also, the main thing that keeps a believer from falling is the Word of God.

Meditating on the Word every day, reading Romans 6 and Romans 7 in the midst of flesh
battles every day, praying and running to God when you get the urge instead of running
to the telephone, keeps the believer from falling into sexual sin.

One of my favorite Scriptures, Jude 1:24 reads, Now unto him that is able to keep you
from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with
exceeding joy, This Scripture lets me know that there is a place in God where you
can be kept from falling.

Sure, you may fall, and Lord knows He’ll forgive you if you repent (i.e. turn away from
the sin) and He’ll allow you to get back up again . . . but there is a place where you
can trust God that He can keep you from falling if you acknowledge Him in all your ways,
keep your mind stayed on Him, and keep your Spirit man strong by doing those things I
previously mentioned, and by crucifying your flesh – daily.

Recommended Reading:   and

 

 

7 Best Dating Tips for Christian Singles

1. Seek friendship first in a relationship.

Next to both of your relationships with God, seek friendship
with your significant other first, before romantic love. It
shouldn’t be about how good he or she is in bed, but rather
about the presence of true intimacy, or, “into-me-see.”
Instead of allowing the other person to see your latest
underwear, let him or her see your heart by engaging in
open and honest dialog, spending quality time together,
edifying and encouraging one another, learning about one
another’s dreams and goals, and helping one another
achieve the plan that God has for each of your lives.

I know it sounds like a fairy tale, but it can be true. More
importantly, you have to believe that it can be true for you.
Friendship should be the foundation of your relationship,
before and after marriage. Your mate should be your best
friend.

2. Don’t ignore red flags.

Just about every divorced Christian woman I have talked
to in my travels have said that they knew, before they married
the person, that he wasn’t the one for them.
Whether or not they had a gut feeling about it a few
months before the wedding, or days before, they lacked
peace in their spirit about their upcoming marital vows
and ignored the inward warning from the Holy Ghost.

Don’t ignore the red flags. If he hits you before you get
married, he’ll hit you after you get married. If she curses
you out before you get married, get ready to stay on top of
the roof after you get married.

3. Know that love is a choice and not just an emotion.

So many people confuse romantic love with real love,
which is actually agape love – the kind of love that God
has for us. God deposits agape love into us once we
accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Agape love is
unconditional love which doesn’t change like the weather.

Don’t think that just because you get butterflies in your
stomach every time you see a person that that’s true love.
The same person you “fall in love with” because they
bring you flowers every week could become the same
person you can’t stand because he forgets your birthday,
and if that’s the case then that wasn’t true love in the first
place. At the end of the day, after he or she may have
gotten on your nerves a million times, true love still says,
“I love you.” Not “I love you if…” but “I love you” – period.

4. Guard your heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says, Keep thy heart with all diligence;
for out of it are the issues of life. The word, “keep,” in this
passage of Scripture actually means, “guard” or
“watch over” so this Scripture could read, “Guard our heart
with all diligence,” or “Watch over your heart with all
diligence.” Note here whose responsibility it is that your
heart be guarded; it’s not the other person’s responsibility ,
but yours, because the subject, “you” is implied.

So you may be going out with brotha Jerome and brotha Jerome has
told you that he’s not lookin’ for a relationship with anyone
but you still want to “hang out,” and hanging out every few
weeks turns into hanging out every weekend and now you
start developing real feelings for the brotha. You can tell
yourself all you want that nothing’s there and you’re not
attracted to him, but deep down in your heart, the more
you spend time with him, and the more you hear this
man’s voice on the phone, the more you start to really
like him.

You could be falling for him big time, while at the
same time he could view you as a little sister.

So you have the responsibility to guard or watch over your
heart with all diligence so your heart doesn’t “take you there”
emotionally – to a destination ending in no where.

Situations like this only end up in one person getting his
or her feelings hurt, because he or she chose not to
guard his heart.

5. Follow peace, not drama.

If your relationship right now is seemingly putting out fires
every week, or every other day, consider that a red flag.
If you’re on the phone talking to your girlfriend about the
latest drama between you and your boo, know that that’s
not cute.

Also, it doesn’t make you look good because
you’re the one yapping about the person you chose to
spend your quality time with.

As believers, we are to follow peace. God is the author of peace;
satan is the author of confusion, strife, and every evil work.

Satan is the author of “drama” and every “hell date.”

I’m not saying that relationships will not, at certain times,
have their own storms to weather every once in a while – but come on,
every week?

That’s not God’s perfect will and that’s not godly.

6. Don’t expect another man or woman to be the key
to your eternal happiness.

It is not another person’s job to make you happy. Sure, if
you’re in a relationship you’re supposed to be happy, but
it should be an added joy and not the main source of your joy.
Your main joy should be in Jesus and the relationship that
you have with Him – the relationship with Him that says,
“I will never leave you nor forsake you,” and, “I will supply
all your needs,” and, “while you were yet a sinner, I still
introduced my love to you and died for you because I love you.”

That should be the joy that sustains, not that which comes
from a fallible man or woman – an earthly being who has the
capacity to upset or disappoint you. It would be unfair to
expect another person’s job description be to make you
happy all the time. Besides, a healthy relationship is about
give and take, not just take, take, take, take, take!

7. Don’t settle.

Ladies, don’t believe the statistics and the media when
they say that most men are in jail, married, or gay.

Sure there are more women to one man, but you only need
one.

You don’t have to share men or settle for a man
who is an alcoholic or abusive towards you mentally or
physically because you feel this man is the best you can
do.

Consider our Father in heaven, Daddy God, and
how He treats you, and speaks to you, and provides for
you.

God wants you to have His best, but first He wants
you to become the best by getting to know His authority
and character more by reading His Word more often.

God’s Word is God’s Love Letter to you. The more you
read it, the more you become like Him, and the more
you realize that you are wonderfully and fearfully made
and should not have to settle for less than God’s best
for you. You will realize that you are a precious gem to
be found and that good things come to those who wait.

So stay focused, remain steadfast and unmovable,
be patient, and don’t settle for less. Like the saying goes,
“I can do bad all by myself.”

Recommended Reading: